Tag Archives: sweating

FINALLY summer is here….

FINALLY summer is here….

….let the whining begin.  That’s right kids, the sun has been out for 2 days now if that doesn’t mean summer I don’t know what does.  Don’t get too excited because there is neverending rain in our future (including on July 4th). The icky (highly technical term) equation for today is:

3 weeks of rain soaked ground

+hot sunshine

HUMIDITY

It’s my least favorite of the big three: hazy, hot and humid.  It the kind of weather that makes you stick to everything like contact paper, that makes a book left outside swell like a tick, and makes everyone sweat. Yes ladies, sweat. I don’t glow, I don’t perspire, I sweat.  Fact of life, but unless I am earning it my getting my butt on the eliptical, I don’t like it.

I try to think of good things, like sweat is a self-cleaning cycle for my pores or I am a winner of a one person ”damp” T-shirt contest.  Nonetheless, it’s gross.  I know the body needs to sweat to cool itself off, but you think we could have evolved to have air vents/gills or something on our sides to encourage air flow. Then the gills “close” in the cooler weather as a sort of winterizing of the body.  Maybe I am just watching too many sci-fi movies, who knows!

For the time being I will be taking advantage of central air, overhead fans and, as always…. iced coffees.

Deodorant goes on BEFORE the gym

Deodorant goes on BEFORE the gym

Gyms are not the most spacious of areas.  Usually, the treadmills and ellipticals are practically stacked on each other and the weight machines are so close to the neighbor they barely touch.  Personally, I value my personal bubble.  Yes, I am the girl that will look for an elliptical with one or two open on either side allowing me my personal space.  Unfortunately for me, that bubble is not impenetrable, especially by odor.  The boy in the bubble had the right idea with his own air supply!  Anyway, there I am sweating away at the gym and minding my own business when my Spidey senses go off.  A wisp of onion tinted body odor floats my way.

On the off chance that it was me, I take one of the secret sniffs.  You know the kind, when you bring up the collar of your T-shirt to wipe your face, but you are really checking to see if you are stinky.  It wasn’t me, I was Secret Shower Fresh, so I peer around.  No one to my left but to my right…5 machines down..was a guy with the fan pointed right at him.  And lucky me, I was down wind.  I was 3/4 of the way done so I wasn’t about to change machines. So I became a mouth breather.  For some reason the idea of the icky air going in my mouth was better than having to inhale the man’s stench, at least I could wash it out with some Crystal Light.

Now, I know some people may be allergic to deodorant/anti-perspirant, but there has to be an alternative.  Spray yourself with room spray, Febreeze, or keep dryer sheets in your armpits, do ANYTHING that will take the edge off of your personal fragrance while enhancing the air for the rest of us!  Because if you have ever shared space with a person with BO, you know those scent molecules become superglued to your nostrils and you are stuck with the smell for at least a couple of hours. 

Now I know this is touch to remember but the routine goes deodorant, clothes, gym, shower, deodorant….lather, rinse, repeat.

One of the horrors of summer…

One of the horrors of summer…

That’s right kids, summer is right around the corner.  It’s paying us a temporary visit today with the mercury reaching 90, but hopefully it will return to the south for a few more weeks. And what comes out in the summer?  The flip flops, suntan lotion, shorts, and of course warm weather wouldn’t be complete without out of shape shirtless male retirees.

I swear AARP put out a notice this weekend that said if you are over 60, pasty white and out of shape…go out and mow your lawn.  I’m sure they are in two camps.  The first is: I’m old and it’s hot so I feel the need to mow shirtless. The second  is: I’m hot and the ladies want me so I am soooo mowing shirtless. 

Unfortunately for me, the gentlemen on my street belong to the second camp.  I don’t know about all the other ladies out there but I am not about to throw myself at a sweaty retiree with socks up to his knees and a belly that makes it look like he is 6 months pregnant.  Take a minute and picture that…..I’ll wait.  Done? Good.  Now do what I did and shake your head relentlessly trying to get that image out of your memory.  You can keep trying but it doesn’t go away, trust me!

So to all those guys out there who may not be in prime condition, take a page from Jack Black’s fashion book…

Jack Black T-shirt