Tag Archives: sleeping

Oct9

NO one sleeps like that

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NO one sleeps like that

You know, I feel bad for mattress and pillow companies.  The products that they sell are immediately covered up and forgotten about.  No one enters a house and says, “Where did you get that mattress!?” Once the sheets go on its like the mattress doesn’t exist.  So I could see those companies having issues with advertising.  You can’t tell how comfy something is on TV or how good you will sleep.  So what do they do?  They have beautiful couples snuggle on uncovered mattresses.  Uh, who sleeps on a bare mattress? Not me.  And I definitely throw a pillow case on my pillow.  Imagine sleeping on one of those foam pillows (as advertised)?  It just wouldn’t be a pleasant experience. And NO one looks like those happy little couples when they go to bed.  In 9 out of every 10 bedrooms I’m pretty sure the women are in tees and scrubs or actual PJs and not in the idealized silk nighties that mattress companies put on display.  Nor is their hair beautifully swept to the side so not to disturb the woman’s makeup.  And not every guy is hairless, toned and smiling.  Why not show people that eat doughnuts once in a while in some nice comfy clothes with a poufy comforter sleeping…no smile..no mask of makeup and WITHOUT the light on.

Take a note from the Nyquil people who showed under-the-weather Olympic athletes with tissues stuck to their faces sleeping soundly.  I want a mattress that will let me sleep like THAT, sprawled out, deeply breathing and dreaming sweetly, with just a touch of drool.

I bet you don’t even know what color your mattress is!  So why do we pay extra for matching mattress sets? If it will be cheaper for a nice mattress and a fugly box spring, sign me up.

Just think of a made bed like underwear.  The clothes (sheets) can be comfortable and nice looking but sometimes having support on the top (mattress) and coverage on the bottom, even if they don’t match, is all you need.

Jul22

To sleep perchance to wake up screaming?

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To sleep perchance to wake up screaming?

I know out there exist many posts about the stereotypes/generalities about scary movies, so I apologize if you feel you may have read this before….which you haven’t. So here is my observation….why when a woman in the movies is scared awake out of a nightmare is she always sleeping on her back with her hair down? I’ve had a few dreams where I’m suddenly awake but 9 times out of ten I am not on my back and my hair is not perfectly coiffed. To be honest…now this might surprise you…I look like I was asleep for a while (i knew you would be shocked) and not like I just returned from a taping of a tempurpedic commercial.

So the covergirl hair aside…I don’t think it is physically possible to wake up and sit up simultaneously. According to most lit I have read we are practically paralyzed when in a dream state so that we don’t hurt ourselves or our loved ones. What can you conclude from this? That if you do sit straight up, your mind came to the conclusion you were scared in a very roundabout and delayed manner (no offense) or you are in a horror movie and the writers/directors are not well versed in all things dream and sleep related (again…no offense).

So when I head to bed tonight with my perfectly coiffed hair and white cotton nightgown I will dream sweet knowin I have enlightened you all. And by perfectly coiffed hair I mean a messy ponytial and cotton gown I mean Tee and hospital scrubs and sweet dreams I mean some far fetched scenario that I will have no chance of remembering in the morning. Now that we are all clear on that…g’night!

Jul7

Silence is noisy…

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Silence is noisy…

Deep title huh?  Not to go all Buddha on you but the truth is to strangers, your silence is noisy.  I spent this past weekend in the quasi hoity toity neighborhood of Groton Long Point, CT.  The name alone makes it classier than Medford, MA.  Anyway, along comes bed time and then I hear it….nothing.  No cars, no birds, no noise. One would think that falling asleep to no noise would be easy….wrong.  Coming back home I realized what I thought was silence, was really a combination of noises.

Lying in bed last night my silence revealed itself to be an overhead fan, a random train, far off sirens and the leaves rustling outside my window.  I have become so used to these banal noises that I didn’t hear them anymore.  Only when they were ALL removed did I realize what real silence is.  Of course, then there was the fog horn.  GLPers are used to the fog horn, a Medfordite was not.  They “don’t even hear it” but this girl heard it every 45 seconds…which brings me back to my point…one man’s silence is another man’s noise.  Jeez, if a GLPer were to ever bunk at my house they would probably feel like they were on a construction site with a full marching band playing compared to what their norm is.

May19

I am an Asian man’s pillow

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I am an Asian man’s pillow

Yes, you read the title correctly.  For some reason when I am on public transportation, Asian men subconsciously think my shoulder is a pillow. I first noticed this a while ago on a flight back from the west coast.  While I was trying to sleep in my sliver of a seat next to the window, I felt a nudge.  You may be thinking…what was the nudge?  Because I was too.  When my pseudo sleep haze cleared I realized it was the older Asian gentleman to my left who would fall asleep, bump into me and then rebound to his own personal space.  Not once, not twice, but continuously for at least 3 hours.  A few times he didn’t do the rebound thing and ended up invading my bubble and leaning on my shoulder.  As if being on a plane for 6 hours with recycled air that includes millions of dead skin cells and bacteria wasn’t enough, I was now threatened by a stranger’s drool.  Ick much?

Then today I was on the train in to Boston, when a flashback hits.  No I wasn’t in Nam but I was nudged.  Yes that’s right, I was nudged.  And guess what type of human was next to me…an older Asian man.  Now since it is the subway there is some clearance for nudging due to the natural motion of the train, this was not that type of nudging.  This guy was unconscious with his chin in his chest, his head moving like a bobble doll.  And where do you think that head landed more than once?  If you guessed my shoulder…YOU’RE RIGHT!  Good for you…not so good for me.  Luckily every time we reached a station the momentum of the train would pull him towards his other neighbor and then when the train started Mr. Bobble Head sloooowly found his way back to me. 

And it’s not like I wear 80′s shoulder pads that would call out to a weary head.  I’m not afraid to admit, I have bony shoulders.  So I don’t understand why I am/have become a sleeping Asian man’s pillow.  But I guess I am good at it or else it wouldn’t keep happening…maybe I should start charging rent!