Tag Archives: shoes

Apr24

An open letter to shoe designers…

Posted on by
An open letter to shoe designers…

Dear Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, Payless, BCBG, TJ Maxx, et al,

If I break my leg walking in your shoes, would it be OK if I sent you the bill? Since my options for non-flat summer shoes range from walking on a knife to walking with a fence post sticking out of my heel, it’s only a matter of time before my ass meets the pavement.  I’m already on the tall side (5′ 9 1/4″), and since I have no plans to meet the height requirements of the WNBA, I don’t need to add 6″.  I don’t need to add 4″ for that matter.  Would it be too much to ask for a cute summer heel or wedge in a 2-3″ height?   You know, something realistic to walk in on city streets  to work in.  I love a good espadrille/wedge because it provides adorable height with stability for us long legged clutzes.  But the styles out now should come with LifeAlert because I am guaranteed to fall and not be able to get up.

Here’s another question for ya….since foot size correlates to height, how about we leave the 6″ heels to those 5’6″ and shorter (or a tall stripper) and adjust the height on the bigger sizes so I don’t have a fear of hitting my head on low ceilings.  Not to mention, the taller you are the more weight you carry (unless you are a supermodel), so the amount of pressure you are putting on our poor little tarsals if just uncalled for.

Keep the big heels for celebrities who get to pose, sit down, walk the runway, sit down, etc.  Please make something more realistic (down to Earth if you will) for those of us who can naturally reach the top shelf in grocery stores.

Is that so much to ask?

May29

Train walking=NOT sexy

Posted on by
Train walking=NOT sexy
 

First and foremost do not get train walking confused with street walking, while they may appear to be very similar in technique, the goals are sllllightly different.  I don’t hide that I like to people watch so let me tell you…the subway=great entertainment.  During the morning commute you can’t really see a lot since you are crammed into a train car like clowns in a Beetle in the circus.  But when you hit the train just right when there is room to move around, let the show begin!

 There are many versions of train riders: leaners, too-macho-to-hold-on, sleepers, door addicts, etc.  Personally, the most entertaining are the ladies in the spike high heels that try to keep their “sexy walk” in tact while walking in a moving train.  They are the ones that for some random reason feel the need to get up and strut to the door before the train stops.  First of all…your name ain’t Gisele. Second, a Boston Orange line car is NOT a catwalk. And third, you look stupid.  (Was that last one a little to blunt?) 

So here I am, people watching on the ride home the other day, when Giselesome girl in 4 inch stilettos and a mini dress decides she wants to be the first off of the train.  She stands up (looking all diva) and then tries to “sexy walk” to the door.  FAIL.  Even though she committed to her part and tried her best, AT MOST, she looked like a drunk, pregnant penguin walking during an earthquake.  Big side steps and letting out an “oops” every now and then when she pierced someones foot with her heel, it wasn’t pretty.  But it was highly entertaining!

The shoes were hot, purple patent leather, rock on.  So I’m not saying trade her footwear for a nice velcro easy spirit, but just keep your but in the seat until the train stops.  If you are then able to  accomplish the sexy walk …you will be getting looks for the right reasons.

TO RECAP:

subway cardoes NOT equalModelsCatwalk

 

Mar12

Hideous things make me happy

Posted on by
Hideous things make me happy

True, that may sound like something some Happy Bunny paraphernalia would say, but nonetheless it’s true! (Just as an aside, I <3 Happy Bunny, so Jim Benton, feel free to send something my way!)

As a friend suggested, I used shopping to pass the time waiting for my grad school letter to arrive.  It was cold, I was cranky, and I had errands to do.  I did the necessary stuff post office, return some stuff, buy something for mom, and then I went to Famous Footwear.  My purpose was to see how much their Bear Paws were (too expensive), which left me with a frown but on my way out I saw a pair of sneakers that made me smile. Because they were cute? No, Because they were kid sized? No. Because they were hideously ugly.  Similar to this pair they had to be the lovechild of Punky Brewster and Neon Deion.  Next came Dr. Scholl’s grandchild he never talks about…these.  I don’t know why, but my cranky state dissolved away and a smirk snuck on to my face.  I left FF, chuckling to myself that people actually buy these products of an obvious factory malfunction.

It only gets better.  When I get in my car, what’s on the radio? That’s right, hideous 80′s music.  Goodbye smirk, Hello full grin.  That didn’t last long either, because of course I needed to start singing.  I…I just died in your arms tonight…that’s right, cruising the Fellsway having my own little Cutting Crew karaoke session.  And since the cheesy one hit wonder Gods were smiling down on me, then came Simply Irresistible.  If only I had my patent leather stilettos, spandex dress and hooker red lipstick….if only!

For some people, cheering up inlcudes a massage or ice cream. Next time I need cheering up….well maybe I will get a massage, but if that doesn’t work out my back up plan will be snickering at ugly footwear.