Tag Archives: questions

Feb21

Questions unanswered

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Questions unanswered

why is it that after a person goes food shopping and you get hungry…is there never anything “good” to eat?

why 10-4 as a closing and not 12-3?

why can’t I get the 4 clocks in my kitchen to show the same time?

who thought Jamie Foxx being a singer was a good idea?

why do groups of newborn kittens/puppies, catbox gravel and trash on the highway all go by the name litter?

who invented “the skeleton” as a sport?did some gravedigger discover how “fun” it was to strap some old bones to his chest and slide down a snowy hill face first?

Jun17

Time to ponder…

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Time to ponder…

Lately, I find myself pondering the inane, but I’m pretty sure  I am not the only being in this world considering certain topics.  Maybe if I list a few of them, you will agree.

Why do vegetarians eat things that pretend to be meat?  You aren’t a  SOYSAGEeterian or a PSEUDOMEATetarian…you are a VEGetarian.

Why when you really want something you say you need it “in the worst way?”  I may REALLY want my kitchen redone but not in “the worst way” aka in hues of peptobismol and avocado. Or I may want chocolate “in the worst way” but will I really eat a Hershey’s bar slathered in expired mayo?  ProbabDEFinitely not!

Why did I see people scrubbing the ground on the Greenway the other day…with soap and water?  Was the dirt just too dirty?

Who decided that red means stop and green means go….aka the colorblind colors?  Did that person just really hate someone that is colorblind and wanted to take it out on all others like the afflicted?

Why do people say “I was on line” when they mean standing IN line? If you were ON line you could look down and you would be standing on some sort of singular stripe….unless you are on the Freedom Trail or taking a sobriety test on the side of the highway, I doubt you are ON line.

Why does a cat that has a choice of sleeping in a comfy fleece bed or my outfit for the next day…decide to shed her weight in fur on my dresspants?

and last but not least….

Why do people wear camo clothing AT THE MALL?  Are they trying to be the best shoplifter they can be?  “Gee,  when I walk out the door with this new toaster people will only see a floating toaster….not me!!  BRILLIANT” Personally I would like to get rid of those brainiacs….in the WORST way!!

May1

How was the gym?

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How was the gym?

I don’t really get how to answer this question.  And I have yet to find an answer that sounds right and normal. You can’t say that it is good because it isn’t supposed to be, the purpose of the gym is to kick your own flabby butt into shape. But then again you can’t say the gym was wonderfully masochistic, because you seem like a creepy porn freak.  And let’s face it there are plenty of creepy porn freaks out there, we don’t need to have more.  My usual answer is “sweaty” because I leave home dry and come home “sweaty.”  That seems like a pretty good fit, right?  But since I am a female, do I saw “glowing.”  Because if you ever had a grandmother and you are female you were told at least once that “girls don’t sweat, we glow.” Obviously that person never met me while I was working out. (That was probably a little too much info, huh?)  

Even if you dip into 90′s slang for some unknown reason and answer with “phat” people will think you are just obsessed with your weight and need to go talk to a professional whose name isn’t Ben OR Jerry. Speaking of being seen as a head case….never answer with “fine” because if you have ever seen the Italian Job you know it stands for: Freaked out Insecure Neurotic and Emotional.  Unless of course you are an in shape head case, then feel free to respond with fine

“Busy” might  serve as an appropriate response, but it has nothing to do with you interacting with the gym, you are just telling the inquisitive that it was stinky and it was hard to get a machine.  So here is my question to the masses….how was the gym?

Mar30

They are deaf…not stupid

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They are deaf…not stupid

Earlier this evening I was on the treadmill doing my speed walking thing and watching Cash Cab while listening to my iPod. Yes I am a multitasker, but that’s another story.  So Cash Cab is on with closed captioning and Ben Bailey is being his wise ass self in the outro.  (The situation will take a little bit to set up so bear with me)

In case you don’t know about Cash Cab, it’s basically Jeopardy! in a taxi with the last question being a video bonus.  You can double your money if you win or leave with nothing if you’re wrong.  It was about a monkey that his long arms and legs that it almost never needs to touch the ground (as you can tell, I wasn’t paying complete attention.).  Two Jerry Garcia wannabes outfitted in stoner gear guessed Gibbon. WRONG meaning no cash for you!  The answer was spider monkey. OK now to the point of this post.

So Ben is making his wise ass outro by saying: “Sometimes it is gibbon, and sometimes it is taken away.” What a clever twist of words, right.  If I’m a deaf person, I’m guessing I would get the joke since no other part of the captions contained horrendous mistakes.  But no, the closed captioning people don’t give the deaf much credit.  They caption it as: “Sometimes it is gibbon [given], and sometimes it is taken away.” Way to take ALL the fun out of wordplay…geniuses.  Was it really necessary to spell out the joke, literally? The only reason I can think to justify it is that the captioners didn’t get the joke, were extremely confused and thought that everyone else would be as well.  WRONG AGAIN!

I swear, if I needed to write out all the meanings of my sarcastic comments, the [ ] buttons would be the most used on my keyboard!  I don’t….do I?