We all learned in grade school: April showers bring May flowers.  So it’s a known fact that there is a lot of rain in April.  We’re in New England so we should be thankful it’s not snow, but I digress. Most people assume rain is just water droplets falling from the sky.  Little do they know that this wet projectile has some magical powers, it cuts your IQ in half specifically when it comes to driving.

In very rare cases people are immune, but that is VERY rare.  We’re probably talking a lefty with one blue eye, one brown eye and a limp.  Anyway,  whether it’s in buckets or simply a sprinkle, people get stupid.  They start to take illegal left turns in front of a State Trooper (and yes he got bagged), they lose all fine motor functions (it must have taken the cashier 10 minutes to separate plastic bags), and they say dumb things. 

Perhaps when it comes to driving their is a rash of bad wipers so people can’t see “no turn” signs or that little red car patiently waiting to merge.  Maybe the winshield wiper industry was hit hard by cutbacks before this whole economy went in the toilet.  The fine motor skills example seems to apply to all the casheirs except mine and to ladies with nails longer than their fingers (but I think their issues aren’t weather related).  Now the last one, ugh. 

I think our speech “batteries” run on Vitamin D because when that sun goes in, our language skills start to dwindle. For example, there was a customer in front of me scheduling an appointment for their dog and he said his name was Jack, the groomer responds…my dog’s name is Jack.  Now what is he supposed to say to that? Its not like you compared him to someone famous like Jack Nicholson or to your best friend Jack Daniels, no you compared him to your four-legged pet! (Nonetheless he politely responded “oh yeah?” and that was the end of the chit chat.) Then there was the girl in Michael’s who used uh and um every third syllable when she answered a customer’s questions.  They both need a session in a tanning booth…STAT.  

So here is an easy assumption to make…Hilo, HI residents=stupid but those in Yuma, AZ=wicked smaht!  I should probably take this chance to remind you that nothing…absolutely nothing in this entry has any scientific basis.  So if you are a teenager writing a report on weather and you are stupid enough to copy this, you MUST be in a rainy city!