Tag Archives: cars

Jun19

This one’s for the guys…

Posted on by
This one’s for the guys…

Men always go on and on and on about how they don’t understand women and women always go on and on and on about….shopping.  I totally admit that we XX folk are enigmas, no denying that.  We could tell you our secrets or show you our handbook, but what fun would there be in that?!  As with any species, there are variations among gender.  For example with males, there are metros, the guy’s guy, the sports nut, the Mr. Fix It, the Bad Boy, etc and at some point every guy thinks he is every one of those examples.  But there is one thing that I have never been able to figure out…

Why do men ALWAYS get out of the car when they are at a gas station!?  So I have some theories:

  1. Their backs are screwed up because one of their butt cheeks is propped up by a file cabinet (aka wallet) and they need to stretch it out.
  2. They are hoping that the “new mechanic” will turn out to be this girl and they are just showing their manners.
  3. Their windows don’t roll down and they have gas.
  4. Or you could go the whole showing dominance over the pump jockey route (because you are bigger, stronger and more manly even though you are driving your wife’s VW bug)

I’m just really hoping that evolution doesn’t bring this habit to the point where men get out and pee on their car to show it’s theirs.  You’ll understand once you watch this…

Jan23

Minivan does not equal coolness

Posted on by
Minivan does not equal coolness

Being a twenty something single girl I don’t “get” minivans. I just think that the car companies should be making them a little better looking than what is out there today. Seeing families with 3+ kids I understand the purpose of minivans, but even if a brand spankin’ new one showed up in my driveway as a gift from the car gods, I wouldn’t take it. In my experience the inside of new minivans already smell like cheerios and stale apple juice. If Glade bottled it the name would probably be “Essence of minivan.” So the other night I’m driving down the highway and what blasts past me? A white minivan with windows tinted as dark as ebony. So my mind goes down two roads.

First, the soccer mom behind the wheel (I’m assuming since I couldn’t see in) wants to show her kids a minivan can be cool so she tried to make it look like those cars in the rap videos. But I doubt Escalades have hide away storage, 312 cup holders and old fries under the seats.

Second, and the more realistic reason in my little world, the person behind the wheel is just so embarrassed by driving said white minivan they are literally hiding from other drivers. His/her shame is so deep that they spent hundreds of dollars to hide their identity from their fellow commuters on the highway. Alas, they are actually getting a different result because their pimped out fun bus attracts more attention that a fun bus without tinted windows. My mind now wanders to what the same way it does when I pass a limo…who is in there, where are they going?

Let’s face it people the last time vans were considered cool they had Pink Floyd tributes painted on the side and a mattress in the back with a “Don’t come a knockin’” bumper sticker. OK so maybe they weren’t cool, but the drivers were proud to be behind the wheel.

So if you drive a minivan…OWN IT. Be proud of your kid toting, drool soaked, soccer ball carrying vehicle…and please don’t tint the windows!

Jun13

Massholes don’t understand “right of way”

Posted on by
Massholes don’t understand “right of way”

Since the ripe old age of 16.5 I have been a registered driver in Massachusetts, affectionately referred to as a Masshole.  It’s in my blood and there is no denying it.  We are skilled in entering rotaries, flipping the bird and going through Dunkin drive through.  In the past I have even used my ingrained knowledge to teach a Virginia driver how to lose her polite habits and stick her nose in to a rotary and to this day she is still considered an honorary Masshole.  The thing that has my panties in a bunch today is how Massholes are now applying the rotary approach to on ramps.

A rotary, or roundabout if you aren’t from here, is a complicated dance of cars entering and exiting while deftly avoiding each other while ignoring the speed limit and any pedestrians.  It is a honed skill and should only be used for good.  To survive you need a lil pep in your gas pedal foot to get in and out with your life, simple.  But now people are using the brazen tactic of “me first you last who cares” on the highway.

Perhaps this has always been the Masshole way and I have just been oblivious…which is quite a good possibility.  Nonetheless it is starting to annoy me, but only when I need to get over.  There is one particular spot that it is COMPLETELY evident.  There is an on ramp on to 95 less than a 1/4 of a mile before an off ramp to get on 93.  So you have cars (usually me) going from 60ish to 40ish having the RIGHT OF WAY trying to get off when all these cocky sons o guns are going from 30 to 80 blocking the off ramp.  Did I mention that the “sons” don’t even use their blinkers when getting on to 95?  Of course not….because that would be polite and safe.  This whole thing is very hard to explain through the computer.  It would be much easier if you could see me talking with my hands and drawing a sketchy map.  Damn lacking technology.  So basically, I am just writing this to vent, not to entertain.  All I’m saying is when you see a car barreling down at you trying to leave the road.  You think the common sensical thing would be to let them off so that there is one less car between you and your destination. But noooooo, because then those idiots wouldn’t live up to the Masshole way of life.  OK I’m done, thanks for listening!!!!!

Apr6

The blinker is that thing on the left of your steering wheel!

Posted on by
The blinker is that thing on the left of your steering wheel!

Today’s topic is something that has bothered me more or less….FOREVER.  OK, so when I was 2 it probably didn’t bother me, but you know what I mean.

Turn Signal: a blinking light on a motor vehicle that indicates the direction in which the vehicle is about to turn. Synonyms: blinker, signal, directional

Now the reason I thought I needed to include a dictionary entry in there, is because when I was driving today 9 out of 10 people in front of me had no idea such a thing existed.  In all fairness, maybe I just had the luck of being behind everyone who was lost today and all of a sudden decided they needed to turn without time to signal. Could it happen?  Sure.  Do I have that kind of luck? Lately, yes. Is it a realistic scenario? Not so much.

To continue with unsupported statistics, it seemed like 90% of these drivers were men…shocker.  For some reason, the majority of guys I know will not use a blinker unless instructed.  When their omission is commented on the usual retorts are: No one was behind me, It was obvious I was turning, They should pay more attention to other drivers.

Uh huh, sure.  It’s them….not you.

Women, we are not the perfect drivers some of us think we are, but at least we have the courtesy of using the blinker to tell people, and in some cases alert them “I’m going over here know, consider yourself warned!”

Mr. Machos, I guarantee that using your blinker will not show weakness, hurt your rep with the boys, or turn you into a feminine metro who gets manicures.  It won’t…I swear it!  I mean, come on, with all those big, brawny muscles, is it really that hard to push around a little lever? ;)   Perhaps it is genetic, something in the Y chromosome prevents you from using any form of turn signal. Yeah right, I would love to see that proof.

So here is my proposal, think of it as the Pay It Forward model. When you use your blinker it prevents you from being rear-ended or sideswiped, allowing emergency services to go elsewhere, which brings down crime and deaths, virtually creating a utopia.  So the next time you find yourself hesitating to signal, just remember, if you don’t you are single-handedly destroying society!  Do you want that guilt…I think not!