I fell in love with Superhero-dom and after the movie wanted to learn Kung Fu and archery

Some random Google searches later led me to a couple of articles on the physics of superheros (i.e. there exists an exoskeleton much like the one used by Iron Man)

Here, is where I learned my tidbit

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Wonder Woman was born of the mythical race of Amazonian women to battle evil with her Lasso of Truth—an interesting characteristic, considering that her creator, William Moulton Marston, also invented the polygraph.

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And of course my mind then went to the gutter.  This guy must have been in to the dominatrix scene if he just happened to create an Amazon in a bustier with a whip and knee high boots.  Gee, I wonder if his safe word was Kryptonite.

If I break my leg walking in your shoes, would it be OK if I sent you the bill? Since my options for non-flat summer shoes range from walking on a knife to walking with a fence post sticking out of my heel, it’s only a matter of time before my ass meets the pavement.  I’m already on the tall side (5′ 9 1/4″), and since I have no plans to meet the height requirements of the WNBA, I don’t need to add 6″.  I don’t need to add 4″ for that matter.  Would it be too much to ask for a cute summer heel or wedge in a 2-3″ height?   You know, something realistic to walk in on city streets  to work in.  I love a good espadrille/wedge because it provides adorable height with stability for us long legged clutzes.  But the styles out now should come with LifeAlert because I am guaranteed to fall and not be able to get up.

Here’s another question for ya….since foot size correlates to height, how about we leave the 6″ heels to those 5’6″ and shorter (or a tall stripper) and adjust the height on the bigger sizes so I don’t have a fear of hitting my head on low ceilings.  Not to mention, the taller you are the more weight you carry (unless you are a supermodel), so the amount of pressure you are putting on our poor little tarsals if just uncalled for.

Keep the big heels for celebrities who get to pose, sit down, walk the runway, sit down, etc.  Please make something more realistic (down to Earth if you will) for those of us who can naturally reach the top shelf in grocery stores.

Is that so much to ask?

For me, watching the Marathon is like watching Nascar without the fiery crashes.  At first everyone is jockeying for the lead.  Then after about an hour there is a clear leader and a few particpants try to move in to first but then give up.  The Marathon would be so much cooler for me if every 8 or so miles there would be some sort of booby trap like a moat or a ravenous tiger.  THEN I would totally watch!

Let’s be honest, the Boston Marathon is the one time a year when you watch tons of white guys run after a couple black guys and you aren’t watching Cops.  The only difference is that one or two of the racers get some medals around the neck and the other kind of runner gets metal around their wrists.  Tell me I’m wrong?

I don’t I’m the first to think this but since Kenyans usually win, both male and female, why don’t all aspiring runners train in the Serengeti?  It only makes sense, doesn’t it?

I pointed out the car to the manager and said, “There’s a little boy in THAT beige car (pointing) all by himself with the windows rolled up.”  The response I received, “Oh.”  Not even an “oh dear” but a flat, emotionless “oh.”  Taken aback, I paused and said, “I don’t know if you want to call someone” (i.e. Hey lady, call the freakin’ cops). Enter a second of awkward silence and we walk in to the store (my mom and I), the manager just stood there and out of my peripheral vision I swear I see her get back to the display.  In fact, that’s just what she did.  No one was called, there was no in-store page, nothing.  Nada. Nyet.

We were in the store about 15 minutes and when we left the car was gone and the manager had moved on to another display a few feet away.  I was disgusted.  I’m didn’t expect her to freak and pull the fire alarm, but do SOMETHING.  The reason I know she didn’t do anything was because there would have been people standing around and she wouldn’t have had time to go get supplies for the other display.  If there wouldn’t have been consequences I would have moved the car to a different spot so that child’s mother would get scared straight (hopefully).  But I have to remain satisfied that I did the right thing even though nothing came of it. Next time, I won’t have faith in the action’s of others and just call the police myself.  But I hope there never is a next time.

First, I am inventing a new drinking game.  Whenever someone says “Whitney Houston” during the show, you take a shot.  My guess is that you will be completely obliterated and belting out “I Will Always Love You” by the second hour.

When did Chris Brown become a kareoke-ing backup dancer?  If there was no autotune, there wouldn’t have been a song.  And once again he rips off Michael Jackson (the effects remind you of Billie Jean much?).  I don’t get why he is being praised like a king when he is nothing but a joker!

Poor Jason Aldean…belting his heart out and his mic goes haywire.  Kelly Clarkson looked fab (loved the dress) except from the back her hair looked like her cat threw it up.

Did Rhianna hire everyone she knew to be a backup dancer?!

Paulie Perrette looks fabulous! Her bookends don’t look so bad either.  Although Wes and Aaron would have looked pretty nice too!

Looks like the pompadour is catching on…first Bruno Mars and now Adam Levine is rocking it! Wow the animatronic dolls are amazing..oh wait, what…those are the Beach Boys?  My bad

I’m back on the Taylor Swift bandwagon…but just in small doses. But surely I wasn’t the only one expecting her to rip away that potato sack of a dress and kick it in to high gear in something sparkly ?

Does Kate Beckinsale not age?

Totally knew that wasn’t Katy Perry in the beginning and that the blackout was on purpose, but what I didn’t expect was such a KICK ASS performance.  From the entry, to the dancing, to that fab outfit….TAKE THAT RUSSEL!!

Those doctors that saved Adele’s voice should be getting one hell of a bonus!  Her dress is perfect for her figure and she looks like she is having a blast!  She is definitely delivering a message with this performance… Oh, and I decided I need a group of 4 divalicious backup singers to follow me around from now on

Carrie Underwood makes it seem so easy to be that beautiful and talented.  Not fair.  I must say that the duet with Tony Bennett is as beautiful as her dress is stunning!

Does anyone else think that every time they show Rhianna she looks likes she is jonesin’ for some sort of fix?

Props to Jennifer Hudson for the last minute Whitney tribute! Well done J Hud

Was there are a shortage of available performers?  There must have been because I really don’t see why Foo Fighters, Chris Brown and Paul McCartney had to perform twice.

And we have reached the end of the blog (i.e. my tolerance for the same old same old)

By the way, those 15 minutes I mentioned at the beginning…never happened.

Today’s Reality: 3 flakes of snow. No wind, bright sunshine, not even below 32°.

WTF meterologists?!

Then it came to me ( as I was watching the sexy Jason Statham blow fellow prisoners to bits while racing death machines), weather men don’t have any consequences.  They can be wrong LITERALLY every day for a week and yet they still get their 6 digit salaries and face time on the boob tube. Personally, I’ve had enough.  After countless canceled plans, rescheduled outings and needless sno-melt purchased, we have earned some payback!

So I say we design a Death Race for weathermen, perhaps name it something subtle like “Murder the Meteorologist” or “Climate Criminals.”  It would be a multi-day event held at the end of every year.  At first I was going to say every quarter, but we would run out of contestants way too fast.  Since we would be taking away a staff member, we would butter up to the networks by letting it air during sweeps week.  So here’s the deal.

At the end of every year, an independent testing company would calculate the degree of error for all the weathermen in a certain region.  Since each region is different there would have to be a bracket structure: Northeast, Southeast, Midwest North, Midwest South, Southwest, and Northwest.  The idiots with the highest error percentage have to run the Weather Gauntlet (cue loud, ominous thunder clap sound bite).

There would be events like:

A race up four flights of stairs with an AC unit for a heat wave that never comes.  Pairs run up four flights of stairs each holding a 12000 BTU wall AC unit.  Last one to the top has to catch the winner’s unit before it crushes them.

Stand in line at Home Depot Drop test.  The morons have to stand in line for a delayed shipment of overpriced dry vacs for the floods that don’t happen.  First one to drop, literally gets dropped off of a moving truck.

It’s hailing instead of being a light rain ball pit where the audience literally gets to chuck giant chunks of ice at the weather blockheads as they rationalize their predictions from a pit.

So Harvey Leonard and Pete Bouchard…you better start getting your act together or one day, one GLORIOUS day, you may face the wrath of the Weather Gauntlet: When Karma Strikes Back