The Grammys through the eyes of me
12 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Random Thoughts, Review Tags: Adam Levine, Bruno Mars, celebrities, Grammy, music, performances, Whitney Houston
As always I feel like I need to say something about this awards show. THis will not be a play by play because some of us need to study for at least 15 minutes so I won’t feel guilty.
First, I am inventing a new drinking game. Whenever someone says “Whitney Houston” during the show, you take a shot. My guess is that you will be completely obliterated and belting out “I Will Always Love You” by the second hour.
When did Chris Brown become a kareoke-ing backup dancer? If there was no autotune, there wouldn’t have been a song. And once again he rips off Michael Jackson (the effects remind you of Billie Jean much?). I don’t get why he is being praised like a king when he is nothing but a joker!
Poor Jason Aldean…belting his heart out and his mic goes haywire. Kelly Clarkson looked fab (loved the dress) except from the back her hair looked like her cat threw it up.
Did Rhianna hire everyone she knew to be a backup dancer?!
Paulie Perrette looks fabulous! Her bookends don’t look so bad either. Although Wes and Aaron would have looked pretty nice too!
Looks like the pompadour is catching on…first Bruno Mars and now Adam Levine is rocking it! Wow the animatronic dolls are amazing..oh wait, what…those are the Beach Boys? My bad
I’m back on the Taylor Swift bandwagon…but just in small doses. But surely I wasn’t the only one expecting her to rip away that potato sack of a dress and kick it in to high gear in something sparkly ?
Does Kate Beckinsale not age?
Totally knew that wasn’t Katy Perry in the beginning and that the blackout was on purpose, but what I didn’t expect was such a KICK ASS performance. From the entry, to the dancing, to that fab outfit….TAKE THAT RUSSEL!!
Those doctors that saved Adele’s voice should be getting one hell of a bonus! Her dress is perfect for her figure and she looks like she is having a blast! She is definitely delivering a message with this performance… Oh, and I decided I need a group of 4 divalicious backup singers to follow me around from now on
Carrie Underwood makes it seem so easy to be that beautiful and talented. Not fair. I must say that the duet with Tony Bennett is as beautiful as her dress is stunning!
Does anyone else think that every time they show Rhianna she looks likes she is jonesin’ for some sort of fix?
Props to Jennifer Hudson for the last minute Whitney tribute! Well done J Hud
Was there are a shortage of available performers? There must have been because I really don’t see why Foo Fighters, Chris Brown and Paul McCartney had to perform twice.
And we have reached the end of the blog (i.e. my tolerance for the same old same old)
By the way, those 15 minutes I mentioned at the beginning…never happened.
Death Race starring Meteorologists
11 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Random Thoughts Tags: gauntlet, meteorologist, weather, weathermen
Yesterday’s Prediction: 2 to 6 inches of snow for Massachusetts. High winds, snow drifts, freezing cold.
Today’s Reality: 3 flakes of snow. No wind, bright sunshine, not even below 32°.
WTF meterologists?!
Then it came to me ( as I was watching the sexy Jason Statham blow fellow prisoners to bits while racing death machines), weather men don’t have any consequences. They can be wrong LITERALLY every day for a week and yet they still get their 6 digit salaries and face time on the boob tube. Personally, I’ve had enough. After countless canceled plans, rescheduled outings and needless sno-melt purchased, we have earned some payback!
So I say we design a Death Race for weathermen, perhaps name it something subtle like “Murder the Meteorologist” or “Climate Criminals.” It would be a multi-day event held at the end of every year. At first I was going to say every quarter, but we would run out of contestants way too fast. Since we would be taking away a staff member, we would butter up to the networks by letting it air during sweeps week. So here’s the deal.
At the end of every year, an independent testing company would calculate the degree of error for all the weathermen in a certain region. Since each region is different there would have to be a bracket structure: Northeast, Southeast, Midwest North, Midwest South, Southwest, and Northwest. The idiots with the highest error percentage have to run the Weather Gauntlet (cue loud, ominous thunder clap sound bite).
There would be events like:
A race up four flights of stairs with an AC unit for a heat wave that never comes. Pairs run up four flights of stairs each holding a 12000 BTU wall AC unit. Last one to the top has to catch the winner’s unit before it crushes them.
Stand in line at Home Depot Drop test. The morons have to stand in line for a delayed shipment of overpriced dry vacs for the floods that don’t happen. First one to drop, literally gets dropped off of a moving truck.
It’s hailing instead of being a light rain ball pit where the audience literally gets to chuck giant chunks of ice at the weather blockheads as they rationalize their predictions from a pit.
So Harvey Leonard and Pete Bouchard…you better start getting your act together or one day, one GLORIOUS day, you may face the wrath of the Weather Gauntlet: When Karma Strikes Back
Words…my way
24 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Real Definition: a process of cultural assimilation
Amanda’s Definition: What happens when you get impregnated by a member of the Jersey Shore.
Used in a sentence:
“What it is Dr.”
“Well Myra, it seems that you have been Italianated by the Situation.”
“Oy Vey”
Champagne in a Guinness Glass
15 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Yup, it was that kind of day/night. It all came to a head around 5:30. I was leaving to meet Erica for dinner at the nines in Woburn. Thanks to Sunday night traffic I made it there early so I decided to play my own version of beat the clock and run in to TJ Maxx. I’m out of the car at 5:45, mall closes at 6, the same time as my dinner appointment. Alas, TJs didn’t have what I wanted, and if they did there was no way I was waiting in line. Hustle back to the car, it’s 5:54. My car battery…”What is DEAD for $200 Alex?” That’s right, were talking the Jeep is giving me gatz. Luckily the restaurant was across the street and unluckily it’s the coldest night yet. To get from Point A to Point B I need to cross one of the busiest streets in Woburn while wearing dark jeans and a black thigh length coat. Poor Man’s Frogger. Luckily when I sat down Erica and I decided that we would go for happy options instead of healthy options and we enjoyed red meat.
Check came and so did the call to AAA. The dispatcher tells me they will call when they are 5 minutes away, which made me think they were more or less close. But I was WRONG. After asking the window of waiting I was looking at, Joanne informed me they have to meet me before an hour and a half is expired. That statement right there doesn’t really give me much hope. Anyway, we waste time and go to Lowe’s, this is when the omen appears. Out of 3,001 extension cords, Erica chooses the one that costs (with tax) $6.66. Yup, my luck had now rubbed off on Erica. The cashier was so freaked out by the total that when I jokingly asked him to take $.01 off, HE DID. Off we went with her $6.65 extension cord.
Back to the parking lot. After 20 minutes in rolls a tow truck. No call, nothing. Joe jumps out, missing teeth but with a great handshake, and uses a handy dandy machine to jump me my truck instantly. I decide to let the charge sink in and wait another 5 minutes in Erica’s car. Get in my car to go home, praying that I don’t hit a long light. And “ding,” “tire low” light comes on. Now I know it’s because it’s flickin freezing out but to say that the pleasant little “ding” didn’t make my heart stop would be a blatant lie.
So here I am at home in the comfiest robe ever drinking champagne out of a Guinness glass, because it’s been that kinda night, and damn it, because I can!
Pompeii: Questions remain
13 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Random Thoughts Tags: artifacts, displays, Museum of Science, Pompeii
Yesterday, Mom and I went to get some edumacation at the Museum of Science in Boston. After picking up my discounted pass at the library we were off. I was naively thinking that the discount pass would be the cheap way to see Pompeii frozen in time…I was wrong. Pompeii was extra, $21 extra ($11 for me and $10 for mom). [As an aside, I don't know how families can afford to go to the museum] So I guess my first question would be, why the heck is it so expensive?
The exhibit itself was fabulous yet disappointing. As long as you kept in mind that all of the artifacts had been rescued from under feet of pumice and ash, it was awe inspiring. The minute you forgot that fact, you were looking at a bunch of displays in glass cases that you have seen many times over. Perhaps as a museum goer in Boston I have been spoiled by amazing exhibits of the past (i.e. Tut), I won’t deny that as a possibility, but I was surprised by the excess of reproductions on display. From the resin casts to the reproductions of reliefs, the work was impeccable, but to me they cheapened the beauty of the real artifacts. The statues, ovens and gladiator helmet were my favorites. The plumbing examples were incredible and the fact that there was a wooden settee still around is mind-blowing. There were two movie rooms: one explained the way life was back then (urine was used to bleach clothes) and the other was a dramatized time lapse of the day Pompeii was buried. Both got As in my book. Far and away the absolute most touching/breathtaking/disturbing/eerie/gut-wrenching display were the 10 body casts. Words defy description of how a still statue can evoke such panic, horror, love and desperation. Altogether, would I go see it again, probably not, but I’m glad I saw it once.
For those of you who will go see it or have seen it, here are my remaining questions:
The marble table that was repaired-Did the restorers piece it together or was it fixed by a Pompeiian family that didn’t get to enjoy it? If it was restored during our time, did they use old-school methods or Liquid Nails?
After the explorers poured the plaster in to the cavities of bodies and it dried-Were the casts hollowed out to retrieve what I’m sure was a pile of bones at the bottom? How did they know that they were on/around a cavity to begin with?
The burial jar that “once contained” bones-Where did the bones go?
They had a lot of artifacts from one rich guy’s house-What’s his story? Is it even known?
The wood and bronze settee-Why didn’t you hint to how it could possibly have been preserved?
Was the old guy letting people touch the orchid pot from Pompeii? Because he was not born in the last 100 years
There was a poster sized description of how the weights used back then compared to today’s, but why didn’t the large display on business and money not have any conversions?
The rocks surrounding the body casts-Are we talking cases of Kingsford briquettes or real chunks of lava rock and pumice?
Phew..that was hard
10 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
So here we are again, up and running. Because I set up my domain haphazardly last year, this year resulted in an unintended $12 donation to google with no domain. But I did it right this time, well more right, and just sucked it up and did it all through wordpress. Let me tell you though, deciding on a domain name is like deciding on a kid’s name. You have to think of how it’s perceived, how it’s spelled, will it be memorable, will kids on the playground make fun of it? Of course every one I loved initially was taken by some anime artist or domain reseller. Almost every night before I went to sleep additional names popped in to my head and I would tell Siri to take a note so that I would remember them in the morning. Then finally last night my stream of consciousness led me to Weapons of Mass Distraction. Buuuut, it was taken and so was Mass Distraction. But damnit, the word play stuck with me so finally I decided on Mass Distractions. It makes sense really, I live in MA and this blog is a distraction for me and you. So Voila….and here we go again. But don’t think for one snarky second that this new domain will remove the sarcasm from my posts….. 
My $.02 on leggings
19 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Review Tags: clothes, leggings, trends
I’ve decided not to chime in on the leggings craze until now. I have patiently held my tongue, although if you know my opinion on jeggings
you can guess where this is about to go.
My theory is that those who wear leggings as pants are the socially acceptable versions of the little girls who would run around in their opaque tights holding their skirts up. Because let’s face it, leggings are one or two thread count away from being footless tights.
Where are my fireworks?
15 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Random Thoughts Tags: birthday, disapointments, dreams, wishes
So tomorrow is my birthday and to be honest I’m not too excited for it, not dreading it, just not excited. Thanks to romantic comedies and teen movies I have visions of grand surprises, flowers and smiles. Haven’t had them yet. Every year I expect a grand gesture, not because I think I deserve it but because it seems like thats what everyone else gets. Don’t get me wrong, I am so lucky that I have been alive and able to celebrate for 29 years. My parents have always been there to turn around any bad birthday even if I was a birthday brat when I was younger. I know they will never forget my birthday and that is something I will always be grateful for. This year is difficult because I have school stress, no income, a not so reliable car, no social life to speak of and I am working tomorrow. In comparison to the random person off the street I probably have it pretty good. I don’t go to bed hungry (heck, I have a bed), I can afford a cell phone and gas money, I have four legged confidants that always listen to my bellyaching and my parents who support my hopes, dreams and crazy schemes.
This entry isn’t to get pity birthday wishes or free Edible Arrangements and it’s not an insult to those who have been around on 9/16, it’s just an explanation of why I may not be giddy and beaming on the anniversary of my birth. So finally I made a conscious decision to not get my hopes up. Unfortunately my subconscious, always seems to have other plans. I know that tomorrow I will go to clinical and come home with just enough energy for dinner and dessert and then I will tuck myself in and wake up in another “year.” I also know that deep down I will expect fireworks and roses around every corner because damnit, I DO deserve it!!
Hurricane Irene: The Playlist
26 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Misc Tags: hurricane, hurricane music, hurricane playlist, irene, music, playlist, songs, storm playlist
To some a Hurricane may be a tasty summer drink. To others it may be a place to call home. To me it means a dog that will be as nervous as Porky at a pig roast. So while my dog is trying to crawl as far under anything as she can, I will need music to drown out her whining. Voila…playlist. So here are some songs to pass the time while your patio furniture goes for a dip in the pool:
“It’s Raining Men” – Weather Girls
“The Rain” – Missy Elliot
“Blame it on the Rain” – Milli Vanilli
“Rock You Like a Hurricane” – Scorpions
“Lightning Crashes” – Live
“Purple Rain” – Prince
“Don’t Turn Out the Lights Now” – New Kids on the Block
“The Thunder Rolls” – Garth Brooks
“The Storm” – Lenny Kravitz
“After the Storm” – Mumford and Sons
“When the Sun Comes Out” – Barbara Streisand
“Spirit in the Sky” – Norman Greenbaum
“Here Comes the Flood” – Peter Gabriel
“Pump It” – Black Eyed Peas
“Gonna be a Blackout Tonight” – Dropkick Murphys
“Tubthumping” – Chumbawumba
A word to the wise. If you wait to enjoy all of these videos until Irene crashes your party, with YOUR luck, your power will go out and you will be sitting in the dark singing nothing but the freecreditreport.com song because it’s stuck in your head and you have no way to enjoy other music. You know who you are…
My 2nd day at school: A horror story
16 Aug 2011 1 Comment
in Random Thoughts, Rants
A funny thing happened on the way to my Associates…
I could write a whole long story outlining the events of today, but I will spare you my rambling prose and will give you the ADD version
1. We were told to show up to orientation at 8AM
-No one told us there would be breakfast
-No one told us we would get our badge pictures taken
-No one told us where to go AFTER orientation
2. We return to the classroom after lunch break to meet the librarian (for the 2nd time today)
-We think the librarian is late and she thinks that we are late, because neither of us were told where to go.
3. You can’t park on campus, or anywhere else for that matter, including the public streets surrounding the hospital
-We are required to park at the old Malden Hospital and take a shuttle to school. My house to school is 1.7 miles, my house to Malden is 3.7. Did I mention that the school says they can ticket us for parking on neighborhood streets? I find that funny since the streets don’t require resident permits and my taxes pay for them…I can’t wait until they ticket me for parking on a PUBLIC street.
4. If by chance we are caught parking on the premises, we need to move our car to Malden and pay $25.
-AND we need a written note from the shuttle driver saying we parked off site. They are going to get much better than that from me. My “written note” will be my mother (oh yeah, I ‘m playing the mommy to school card) attesting to the fact that I parked my car at my HOME, less than 2 miles away.
5. We needed to complete an anatomy review packet. We were supposed to review it this afternoon
-The teacher didn’t have half of the sheets that we did and responded with “I’ll be damned.”
I couldn’t make this crap up!!!
