Author Archives: Amanda

About Amanda

I'm a Boston girl, born and bred. I love the Red Sox, Fenway Pahk, my pups, my family and lots of other stuff. I've always felt that I have the tendency to say things other people are thinking, thus this blog. It doesn't matter if you agree with me, if you hate me of even if your cat walked across the keyboard and my blog appeared, I just hope you find something that makes you giggle.
May7

Learn something new every day

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Learn something new every day

Call it a cliche but it’s the truth.  OK maybe not EVERY day, but “Learn something new most days” isn’t half as optimistic.  Today’s juicy tidbit correlates to the FANTASTIC The Avengers which I actually ventured to the theater to see this past weekend.  Here’s the path to the tidbit.

I fell in love with Superhero-dom and after the movie wanted to learn Kung Fu and archery

Some random Google searches later led me to a couple of articles on the physics of superheros (i.e. there exists an exoskeleton much like the one used by Iron Man)

Here, is where I learned my tidbit

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Wonder Woman was born of the mythical race of Amazonian women to battle evil with her Lasso of Truth—an interesting characteristic, considering that her creator, William Moulton Marston, also invented the polygraph.

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And of course my mind then went to the gutter.  This guy must have been in to the dominatrix scene if he just happened to create an Amazon in a bustier with a whip and knee high boots.  Gee, I wonder if his safe word was Kryptonite.

Apr24

An open letter to shoe designers…

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An open letter to shoe designers…

Dear Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, Payless, BCBG, TJ Maxx, et al,

If I break my leg walking in your shoes, would it be OK if I sent you the bill? Since my options for non-flat summer shoes range from walking on a knife to walking with a fence post sticking out of my heel, it’s only a matter of time before my ass meets the pavement.  I’m already on the tall side (5′ 9 1/4″), and since I have no plans to meet the height requirements of the WNBA, I don’t need to add 6″.  I don’t need to add 4″ for that matter.  Would it be too much to ask for a cute summer heel or wedge in a 2-3″ height?   You know, something realistic to walk in on city streets  to work in.  I love a good espadrille/wedge because it provides adorable height with stability for us long legged clutzes.  But the styles out now should come with LifeAlert because I am guaranteed to fall and not be able to get up.

Here’s another question for ya….since foot size correlates to height, how about we leave the 6″ heels to those 5’6″ and shorter (or a tall stripper) and adjust the height on the bigger sizes so I don’t have a fear of hitting my head on low ceilings.  Not to mention, the taller you are the more weight you carry (unless you are a supermodel), so the amount of pressure you are putting on our poor little tarsals if just uncalled for.

Keep the big heels for celebrities who get to pose, sit down, walk the runway, sit down, etc.  Please make something more realistic (down to Earth if you will) for those of us who can naturally reach the top shelf in grocery stores.

Is that so much to ask?

Apr16

Boston Marathon Day

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Boston Marathon Day

So shall today be called because no one really cares it’s Patriots Day.  If you asked some elementary school kid what Patriots Day is they would probably refer to football.  I just find it funny that people spend hours watching a people run.  Don’t they know they can go to their local gym and see that everyday.  Then there are those who say the runners are the best in the world.  Why? Because they can put one foot in front of another for 26.2 miles?  What about all of the people that complete the Walk for Hunger?

For me, watching the Marathon is like watching Nascar without the fiery crashes.  At first everyone is jockeying for the lead.  Then after about an hour there is a clear leader and a few particpants try to move in to first but then give up.  The Marathon would be so much cooler for me if every 8 or so miles there would be some sort of booby trap like a moat or a ravenous tiger.  THEN I would totally watch!

Let’s be honest, the Boston Marathon is the one time a year when you watch tons of white guys run after a couple black guys and you aren’t watching Cops.  The only difference is that one or two of the racers get some medals around the neck and the other kind of runner gets metal around their wrists.  Tell me I’m wrong?

I don’t I’m the first to think this but since Kenyans usually win, both male and female, why don’t all aspiring runners train in the Serengeti?  It only makes sense, doesn’t it?

Mar3

You try to do a good thing….

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You try to do a good thing….

and nothing.  On Tuesday I went to Michael’s in Everett (yeah…I’m calling you out Everett Michael’s!) and while I was walking from my car I saw a little boy. In a car. Alone. With closed windows.  I know it’s not the summer so there is no fear of the child being roasted. In fact, it’s freezing and windy so if anything, the child climbing all over the front seat, will be transformed into a kid-sicle.  I veered a little towards to car just to make sure there was no older sibling lying down in the back seat, nope.  A four year-old boy climbing all over the front seat and I can only imagine someone taking him or him throwing the car in to neutral with his flailing feet.  As luck would have it, the manager of Michael’s is setting up a display in the entry way.  Being a good citizen I decided to say something.

I pointed out the car to the manager and said, “There’s a little boy in THAT beige car (pointing) all by himself with the windows rolled up.”  The response I received, “Oh.”  Not even an “oh dear” but a flat, emotionless “oh.”  Taken aback, I paused and said, “I don’t know if you want to call someone” (i.e. Hey lady, call the freakin’ cops). Enter a second of awkward silence and we walk in to the store (my mom and I), the manager just stood there and out of my peripheral vision I swear I see her get back to the display.  In fact, that’s just what she did.  No one was called, there was no in-store page, nothing.  Nada. Nyet.

We were in the store about 15 minutes and when we left the car was gone and the manager had moved on to another display a few feet away.  I was disgusted.  I’m didn’t expect her to freak and pull the fire alarm, but do SOMETHING.  The reason I know she didn’t do anything was because there would have been people standing around and she wouldn’t have had time to go get supplies for the other display.  If there wouldn’t have been consequences I would have moved the car to a different spot so that child’s mother would get scared straight (hopefully).  But I have to remain satisfied that I did the right thing even though nothing came of it. Next time, I won’t have faith in the action’s of others and just call the police myself.  But I hope there never is a next time.

Feb12

The Grammys through the eyes of me

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The Grammys through the eyes of me

As always I feel like I need to say something about this awards show.  THis will not be a play by play because some of us need to study for at least 15 minutes so I won’t feel guilty.

First, I am inventing a new drinking game.  Whenever someone says “Whitney Houston” during the show, you take a shot.  My guess is that you will be completely obliterated and belting out “I Will Always Love You” by the second hour.

When did Chris Brown become a kareoke-ing backup dancer?  If there was no autotune, there wouldn’t have been a song.  And once again he rips off Michael Jackson (the effects remind you of Billie Jean much?).  I don’t get why he is being praised like a king when he is nothing but a joker!

Poor Jason Aldean…belting his heart out and his mic goes haywire.  Kelly Clarkson looked fab (loved the dress) except from the back her hair looked like her cat threw it up.

Did Rhianna hire everyone she knew to be a backup dancer?!

Paulie Perrette looks fabulous! Her bookends don’t look so bad either.  Although Wes and Aaron would have looked pretty nice too!

Looks like the pompadour is catching on…first Bruno Mars and now Adam Levine is rocking it! Wow the animatronic dolls are amazing..oh wait, what…those are the Beach Boys?  My bad

I’m back on the Taylor Swift bandwagon…but just in small doses. But surely I wasn’t the only one expecting her to rip away that potato sack of a dress and kick it in to high gear in something sparkly ?

Does Kate Beckinsale not age?

Totally knew that wasn’t Katy Perry in the beginning and that the blackout was on purpose, but what I didn’t expect was such a KICK ASS performance.  From the entry, to the dancing, to that fab outfit….TAKE THAT RUSSEL!!

Those doctors that saved Adele’s voice should be getting one hell of a bonus!  Her dress is perfect for her figure and she looks like she is having a blast!  She is definitely delivering a message with this performance… Oh, and I decided I need a group of 4 divalicious backup singers to follow me around from now on

Carrie Underwood makes it seem so easy to be that beautiful and talented.  Not fair.  I must say that the duet with Tony Bennett is as beautiful as her dress is stunning!

Does anyone else think that every time they show Rhianna she looks likes she is jonesin’ for some sort of fix?

Props to Jennifer Hudson for the last minute Whitney tribute! Well done J Hud

Was there are a shortage of available performers?  There must have been because I really don’t see why Foo Fighters, Chris Brown and Paul McCartney had to perform twice.

And we have reached the end of the blog (i.e. my tolerance for the same old same old)

By the way, those 15 minutes I mentioned at the beginning…never happened.

Feb11

Death Race starring Meteorologists

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Death Race starring Meteorologists

Yesterday’s Prediction: 2 to 6 inches of snow for Massachusetts.  High winds, snow drifts, freezing cold.

Today’s Reality: 3 flakes of snow. No wind, bright sunshine, not even below 32°.

WTF meterologists?!

Then it came to me ( as I was watching the sexy Jason Statham blow fellow prisoners to bits while racing death machines), weather men don’t have any consequences.  They can be wrong LITERALLY every day for a week and yet they still get their 6 digit salaries and face time on the boob tube. Personally, I’ve had enough.  After countless canceled plans, rescheduled outings and needless sno-melt purchased, we have earned some payback!

So I say we design a Death Race for weathermen, perhaps name it something subtle like “Murder the Meteorologist” or “Climate Criminals.”  It would be a multi-day event held at the end of every year.  At first I was going to say every quarter, but we would run out of contestants way too fast.  Since we would be taking away a staff member, we would butter up to the networks by letting it air during sweeps week.  So here’s the deal.

At the end of every year, an independent testing company would calculate the degree of error for all the weathermen in a certain region.  Since each region is different there would have to be a bracket structure: Northeast, Southeast, Midwest North, Midwest South, Southwest, and Northwest.  The idiots with the highest error percentage have to run the Weather Gauntlet (cue loud, ominous thunder clap sound bite).

There would be events like:

A race up four flights of stairs with an AC unit for a heat wave that never comes.  Pairs run up four flights of stairs each holding a 12000 BTU wall AC unit.  Last one to the top has to catch the winner’s unit before it crushes them.

Stand in line at Home Depot Drop test.  The morons have to stand in line for a delayed shipment of overpriced dry vacs for the floods that don’t happen.  First one to drop, literally gets dropped off of a moving truck.

It’s hailing instead of being a light rain ball pit where the audience literally gets to chuck giant chunks of ice at the weather blockheads as they rationalize their predictions from a pit.

So Harvey Leonard and Pete Bouchard…you better start getting your act together or one day, one GLORIOUS day, you may face the wrath of the Weather Gauntlet: When Karma Strikes Back

Jan15

Champagne in a Guinness Glass

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Champagne in a Guinness Glass

Yup, it was that kind of day/night.  It all came to a head around 5:30.  I was leaving to meet Erica for dinner at the nines in Woburn.  Thanks to Sunday night traffic I made it there early so I decided to play my own version of beat the clock and run in to TJ Maxx.  I’m out of the car at 5:45, mall closes at 6, the same time as my dinner appointment. Alas, TJs didn’t have what I wanted, and if they did there was no way I was waiting in line.  Hustle back to the car, it’s 5:54.  My car battery…”What is DEAD for $200 Alex?”  That’s right, were talking the Jeep is giving me gatz.  Luckily the restaurant was across the street and unluckily it’s the coldest night yet.  To get from Point A to Point B I need to cross one of the busiest streets in Woburn while wearing dark jeans and a black thigh length coat.  Poor Man’s Frogger.  Luckily when I sat down Erica and I decided that we would go for happy options instead of healthy options and we enjoyed red meat.  

Check came and so did the call to AAA.  The dispatcher tells me they will call when they are 5 minutes away, which made me think they were more or less close.  But I was WRONG.  After asking the window of waiting I was looking at, Joanne informed me they have to meet me before an hour and a half is expired.  That statement right there doesn’t really give me much hope.  Anyway, we waste time and go to Lowe’s, this is when the omen appears.  Out of 3,001 extension cords, Erica chooses the one that costs (with tax) $6.66.  Yup, my luck had now rubbed off on Erica.  The cashier was so freaked out by the total that when I jokingly asked him to take $.01 off, HE DID.  Off we went with her $6.65 extension cord.

Back to the parking lot.  After 20 minutes in rolls a tow truck.  No call, nothing.  Joe jumps out, missing teeth but with a great handshake, and uses a handy dandy machine to jump me my truck instantly. I decide to let the charge sink in and wait another 5 minutes in Erica’s car.  Get in my car to go home, praying that I don’t hit a long light. And “ding,” “tire low” light comes on.  Now I know it’s because it’s flickin freezing out but to say that the pleasant little “ding” didn’t make my heart stop would be a blatant lie. 

So here I am at home in the comfiest robe ever drinking champagne out of a Guinness glass, because it’s been that kinda night, and damn it, because I can!

 

 

Jan13

Pompeii: Questions remain

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Pompeii: Questions remain

Yesterday, Mom and I went to get some edumacation at the Museum of Science in Boston.  After picking up my discounted pass at the library we were off.  I was naively thinking that the discount pass would be the cheap way to see Pompeii frozen in time…I was wrong.  Pompeii was extra, $21 extra ($11 for me and $10 for mom).  [As an aside, I don't know how families can afford to go to the museum] So I guess my first question would be, why the heck is it so expensive?  

The exhibit itself was fabulous yet disappointing.  As long as you kept in mind that all of the artifacts had been rescued from under feet of pumice and ash, it was awe inspiring.  The minute you forgot that fact, you were looking at a bunch of displays in glass cases that you have seen many times over.  Perhaps as a museum goer in Boston I have been spoiled by amazing exhibits of the past (i.e. Tut), I won’t deny that as a possibility, but I was surprised by the excess of reproductions on display.  From the resin casts to the reproductions of reliefs, the work was impeccable, but to me they cheapened the beauty of the real artifacts.  The statues, ovens and gladiator helmet were my favorites.  The plumbing examples were incredible and the fact that there was a wooden settee still around is mind-blowing.   There were two movie rooms: one explained the way life was back then (urine was used to bleach clothes) and the other was a dramatized time lapse of the day Pompeii was buried.  Both got As in my book.  Far and away the absolute most touching/breathtaking/disturbing/eerie/gut-wrenching display were the 10 body casts.  Words defy description of how a still statue can evoke such panic, horror, love and desperation. Altogether, would I go see it again, probably not, but I’m glad I saw it once.  

For those of you who will go see it or have seen it, here are my remaining questions:

The marble table that was repaired-Did the restorers piece it together or was it fixed by a Pompeiian family that didn’t get to enjoy it?  If it was restored during our time, did they use old-school methods or Liquid Nails?

After the explorers poured the plaster in to the cavities of bodies and it dried-Were the casts hollowed out to retrieve what I’m sure was a pile of bones at the bottom?  How did they know that they were on/around a cavity to begin with?  

The burial jar that “once contained” bones-Where did the bones go?

They had a lot of artifacts from one rich guy’s house-What’s his story?  Is it even known?

The wood and bronze settee-Why didn’t you hint to how it could possibly have been preserved?

Was the old guy letting people touch the orchid pot from Pompeii?  Because he was not born in the last 100 years

There was a poster sized description of how the weights used back then compared to today’s, but why didn’t the large display on business and money not have any conversions?

The rocks surrounding the body casts-Are we talking cases of Kingsford briquettes or real chunks of lava rock and pumice?

 If anyone has answers, please feel free to share!!!

 

Jan10

Phew..that was hard

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Phew..that was hard

So here we are again, up and running.  Because I set up my domain haphazardly last year, this year resulted in an unintended $12 donation to google with no domain.  But I did it right this time, well more right, and just sucked it up and did it all through wordpress. Let me tell you though, deciding on a domain name is like deciding on a kid’s name.  You have to think of how it’s perceived, how it’s spelled, will it be memorable, will kids on the playground make fun of it?  Of course every one I loved initially was taken by some anime artist or domain reseller. Almost every night before I went to sleep additional names popped in to my head and I would tell Siri to take a note so that I would remember them in the morning.  Then finally last night my stream of consciousness  led me to Weapons of Mass Distraction. Buuuut, it was taken and so was Mass Distraction.  But damnit, the word play stuck with me so finally I decided on Mass Distractions.  It makes sense really, I live in MA and this blog is a distraction for me and you.  So Voila….and here we go again.  But don’t think for one snarky second that this new domain will remove the sarcasm from my posts….. ;)